Be happy

This blog post is dedicated to my brother, Russell, who celebrated his 33rd today.

“The goal is to be happy.”

The first time I heard my brother say those words, I was in high school. He was already in university, majoring in Philosophy. I was convinced he was absolutely bonkers. How was happiness, just happiness, a goal?  No. Goals were measurable. They could be marked, planned out, charted, and documented.

Twelve years later, I realised that my brother might have been the wisest 19-year-old on the planet. At the age of 29, I saw he was right. The only goal is to be happy.

Graduation over and done, four jobs under my belt, a small company running, and many other boxes ticked off, I strangely felt rudderless. I looked at the past decade and saw what I was able to do and despite the achievements, I felt empty–I wasn’t happy.  Who knew a quarter life crisis would last so long?

Perhaps I kept waiting and expecting happiness to arrive, for the next achievement to unlock that feeling.  But that isn’t how it works. You can’t rely on other things to make you happy.  You can’t rely on other people to make you happy.  You have to choose happiness; to choose to be happy, with what you have, what you do, and who you are.

Happiness needs self-honesty–lots of it!  You need to stop and talk to yourself first.  Be kind to yourself first.  Understand yourself and what you want.  If you first see that the real goal is to be happy, all the other must dos fall into place or fall away because you realise what is unnecessary.

It is both the simplest thing and the ultimate challenge, a mountain to summit.

Just being happy… It takes a lot of acceptance, a lot of love, and a lot of breathing through struggles and transitions.

But it is important not to lose sight of the goal.

It’s an everyday discipline, choosing happiness.  Much like cultivating an attitude of gratitude.  I am still navigating towards making this choice consistently, and I know not to expect to be successful everyday, but with enough time, I know that I will be able to look back at my days and be grateful for having chosen to be happy.

Deep in your heart, you already know what will make you happy, where you can be happy, who will complement that happiness, and why those answers bring your happiness.

How then have you not seized it already?