this really is goodbye

I hope one day
you will remember
how fiercely I loved you.
And I hope one day
I will understand
why that wasn’t enough.

– @arkaydee


heavy metal

A snippet from something I am working on.

“I knew music would be a big part to understanding you,” she said.

“You are like metal music. Sometimes people don’t understand it because they haven’t learned how to listen to it. You take the words and the melody, and there is screaming and sometimes distortion to the point of being incomprehensible. That’s you. But that’s the you that we all see and hear. That’s the you that jokes, and stays calm, and stays too cool.

“Behind that, there is another you. There is the composition, the guitar and its intricacies, its quick movements and chord progressions; there is the bass and how it compliments and supports the guitar, but also makes music in its own unique way; there are the drums, their fervor, their beat, the almost forgotten but integral part of the story.

“When you taught me to listen to metal, you taught me how to listen to you. You taught me to look and see and hear past what I was used to, past what everyone is used to being presented—a melody and words sung plainly and directly.

“You told me that the words were just part of the whole picture, that the voice was just another instrument that completes the song. You told me to listen past the singing, and listen to the music. And that’s how I learned how to listen to you, the you that many miss out on. Past the jokes and the calm and the coolness, past the silence and onto that beautiful composition. Because when you hit that solo, you’re quite a masterpiece.”

{ 1 comment }

cheeky, brutal truths

“I know YOU invited me,
but I NEED to dance with HIM.”



Even if the shore
can never come out
to meet the sea,
the waves continuously run
to kiss it.
And even if the waves
leave to wander,
the shore always waits.

LOVE. It all depends how you see it.



  1. Me. Me. Me.
  2. What is important to me?
    What makes me feel safe?
  3. Let me tell you–let me properly tell you–
    about my childhood.
  4. The tidy home. The messy room.
    What my life will probably be.
  5. Let me be creative. I’ll add roses
    and music while I am at it.
  6. Let me dedicate myself, endeavour.
    I’ll worry about sickness later.
  7. I’m not trying to make problems.
    We all have them. The things that will
    not be named. The secrets? The stolen…
    Feelings, thoughts, words, objects like
    my heart in your pocket.
  8. Perhaps we should go on a trip,
  9. or maybe study something new?
    Both lead to reinvention.
  10. Because what you do and what people see;
    That’s only one side of the polyhedral.
  11. Your friends know. I know.
    That there is you and there is you.
  12. That last one is saved for magick.
    For soul. For musk and shadow.
    For stardust and light.
    That last one is saved for the wind
    and all the other elements combined.
    For me.
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